If Bella Chose Jacob, and Other Short Stories
by harmony624
Summary: A bunch of one shots all thrown into a huge story. Funny. You want it, this story has it!
1. A Single Tree Root Can Change Everything

**A/N Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any other characters that may appear in this story. **

**Read, review, enjoy : )**

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Edward & Jacob stood face to face. Bella was standing a few feet behind Edward, watching, waiting. Then _crash_ the vampire and werewolf clashed together in an epic battle to the death. A battle for one girl. The one girl who just so happened to be running towards them. Bella, running, (as one knows she should never do) tripped over a tree root, fell and hit her head on a sharp, pointy rock with a loud crack. The werewolf and vampire ripped apart, both dumbfounded that Bella could really be dead. Edward super-sped over to where Bella lay motionless and scooped her up in his arms, sobbing.

"Oh Bella, how could I let this happen, how could you be dead?"

The sweet smell of blood filled his nose. He dropped his head to her neck, found the vain, and drank. He drank until there was no more. And then. And then he got up, threw Bella to the ground and killed Jacob with one sweep of his hands.

Back at the Cullen mansion a huge bolder fell on top of the house and crushed every dead thing inside of it. **Rocks fall, everyone dies.**

Back in the small town of Forks, Edward, in all his sparkling, douche-bagery, gayness was going on a killing spree of the town. One taste of human blood and he's a, a, a blood addict. Hey! He and Stefan could be best friends!

The Volturie were tired of Edward making a fool of himself and because they were ashamed of him, they killed him. Then they went back to doing what they do best, eating people.

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**A/N What did you think?**


	2. She Chose Another

**A/N well, once again I do not own Twilight. And once again, that's okay!**

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"Edward, I can't be with you"

"What, why?" Edward feel to his knees, sobbing.

"I have found another"

Bella skipped over to Jake and kissed him lightly.

"It was never going to work between us, you're like.. 109 and I'm 17. The age gap was really starting to get to me."

Bella and Jake skip off into the sunset humming a cheery tune while Edward sits in the grass crying.

Because Edward is so heart broken he figures that to get back at Jake and Bella he should eat their families. So off he went to eat Billy Black and Charlie.

After eating the two old men Edward went to Forks High School to eat Mike Newton, he never did like Mike Newton. While he was drinking Mike he spotted Jake and Bella making out in the hallway. As he was stalking over to them in all his vampire glory rocks fell on the school and everyone died.

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**A/N short again, I think this is how they're all going to be. Well, read, review, then move on with your life. : )**


	3. The Choice

**A/N Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Jacob's abs. **

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Once, a long, long time ago Edward the Vampire and Jacob the wereworlf fell in love with a human girl. This was not just any human girl, this girl was special. This girl was special because she had a choice to make. This choice was between the vampire and the wereworlf. They had given her until sundown to make her choice.

Sundown came and they all met under the cherry tree. Bella - the girl - gave each man-beast one last chance to choose. Edward pleaded his love for Bella, and promised to do everything in her power to please her. She nodded when he was finished and looked at Jake. Jake reached down and pulled off his shirt, showing his hot manly abs. This was a hard choice, get anything she wanted or the sexy man-beast with the abs. Then, she looks a little to Edwards left, she sees Mike Newton. Bella gasps and runs to Mike, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him full on the lips. Bella and Mike break apart and she looks at the two man-beasts.

"I have made my choice"

She walks away with Mike in tow.

Edward and Jake look at each other. Edward looks down at Jacob's still shirtless chest.

"Can I-can I touch them?" Edward asks.

"Be my guest." Jake responds

Edward touches Jacobs chest

"Ooohh, hard like a rock!"

Then, rocks fall, killing Edward and Jacob.


	4. Sun Shine and Ice Cream

**A/N Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters. And yet again, I'm okay with that. Enjoy!  
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One day in early spring Edward was walking down the street in all his sparkling glory, ignoring the gasps of onlookers, when he saw a shirtless Jacob walking towards him at a brisk gallop. Edward stopped, contemplating whether or not to turn around and walk in the opposite direction. Thinking this over for a split second he decided to just wait to see what the man-beast wanted. So he stopped and leaned against the closest tree. In no time at all Jacob was upon him.

After discussing his hatred for Edward for some time Jake turned on his heel and left. Edward reached out and grabbed Jake's hand.

"All that hatred talk really turned me on. Do you-do you.." He started, looking at his feet.

"Umm, Edward, I don't really swing that way" Jake replied, taking a tasteful step away from Edward

"Oh god no! That's not what I meant at all! I was simply going to ask if you wanted to go for ice cream." Edward laughed inwardly about how such a thought could cross Jacob's mind.

"Oh, well in that case, sure! But you can buy your own, bloodsucker."

"Well fine then" Edward pouted.

"Gaahhhhh, fiiine, I'll buy it for you! But you can only have one scoop!"

"Okay-" Edward shrugged, "Better than nothing".

So off they went to get ice cream.

Just as they were walking out the doors of the ice cream shop, after buying their ice cream, rocks fell. They both died.


	5. Stormy Nights and Wuthering Hights

**A/N Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight, or Jacob's naked body. But I do own rocks.**

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On a dark and stormy night Jacob Black was running through the woods. Running from _something_. This something happened to be a sparkly vampire named Edward.

So the story goes:

Bella was in her room, lying on her bed, reading Wuthering Heights - for the 43rd time I might add - when she heard a soft knock on the window. Knowing that it was not Edward (because he would have just barged in, in all his 109 year-old gory) she got up off of the bed, dropped her book on the floor, reached under her bed for a stake (courtesy of Buffy) and walked cautiously to the window. When she slid the pane up she saw that it was only Jacob. She sighed with relief and dropped the stake.

"What do you want now Jacob?" she asked rudely, all she wanted was to get back to her book and find out what happens to Heathcliff -as if she didn't already know.

"I came to tell you something" Jake responded, now unsure if this was a good idea.

"Well, what is it?"

"Well, more to.. Show you something." Now Jake really wasn't sure this was a good idea, Bella was in a mood. A bad mood.

"Well, what is it that you wanted to show me?" Bella looked down at the man-beast, "You're not wearing any clothes, (did I forget to mention that?) what could you possibly have to show me when you have no pockets?" _Wow, his abs are nice,_ Bella thought.

"This-" And Jacob leaned down to kiss her.

Bella didn't respond for a moment, still wanting to get back to her book, but then she thought, _what the hey? It'll give me a chance to feel up those hot abs!_ So she responded to his kiss, rubbing his abs in a way you might rub unwanted dirt off of your arm.

And that is when Edward hopped up through the window. _Egads! Bella is feeling up his abs, that's __my__ job!_ He had to put a stop to this! So he ran over, pushed Bella off of Jacob and kissed Jake himself. Jacob deepened the kiss, figuring that this is most likely the only action he will ever get.

As Bella stood there, mad that the two man-beasts were no longer fighting over her, but now relishing in each others love. She waltzed over to where she had dropped the stake and staked Jake In the back.

Jake jumped off of Edward and smacked Bella; "Bitch, he's my man now!"

And he jumped out her window.

"Way. To. Be." Edward said in a very prissy, high-pitched girl voice. Then he, too, jumped out of the window.

And now here we are, back where we stared, Jake and Edward were playing some sort of catch-me-if-you-can game, not at all a bad, I'm-going-to-kill-you sort of game. So this is where the story ends, Jacob and Edward frolicking through the woods, not caring about the storm.

And just when you thought it would be a happy ending, Bella's house is crushed by falling rocks. She dies.

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**A/N I do love the falling rocks. But maybe next time I'll switch it up..**


	6. The Queen and The Minions

**A/N I don't own any Twilight characters. Just the lunch meat.**

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After much protest from both sides, Edward the vampire and Jacob the werewolf agreed to go for a picnic with Bella, together.

Bella, being the klutz that she is, made Edward and Jacob carry her thrown style while they walked through the park while she sat with the picnic basket and blanket among their hands.

"Stop here!" she commanded from her thrown.

The two man-beasts dropped her on her butt and she screamed.

"OW! I NEVER SAID TO PUT ME DOWN!"

"We're sorry, our Queen," The two man-beasts said together while bowing.

While Jacob the werewolf set down the basket and laid out the blanket, Edward, whilst sparkling in the sun (and yet again ignoring the gasps and looks from pedestrians) picked up Bella and petted her hair as he lead her over to the newly laid out picnic.

Once they all sat down Bella said, "Grape me" and Jake, abandoning his own mountain of food popped a grape in her mouth.

After what felt like days of _grape me_'s from Bella, the picnic was finally over and Edward packed up while Jacob attempted to keep Bella entertained. He did so by stripping off his shirt and letting Bella throw extra pieces of lunch meat at his chest and face. While she laughed and whipped more lunch meat at Jake's face Edward gave Jacob **The Look.

**The Look_- Stating that they were going to do something every bad to Bella. Probably something like throw her in front of an oncoming bus. _

Indeed, they had something like that planed. They were planing to wait until the words _rocks fall_ were spoken and then run using their super-speed, leaving Bella behind to be crushed by said falling rocks. Little did they know that those two words would not be spoken in this story. Instead, they would all get to live not so happily ever after.

So as they took the Queen home, still waiting for Bella to be smooshed, the rocks were at the beach, taking the day off.

So, as Bella continued to command them, they cried and eventually died from unnatural causes.

Then Bella got two new minions; Mike Newton and Erik.

Still to this day Bella does not understand why her minions keep showing up dead. And still to this day, the Rocks have not fallen to crush Bella.


	7. The Lion, The Lamb & The Wolf

**A/N Don't own the lion or the lamb, but I own the hunters.**

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Once upon a time there was a lion, a wolf and a lamb.

The wolf ate the lamb.

The lion and wolf had an epic battle to the death.

The wolf fell to his death.

The lion ate the wolf.

The hunters came and shot the lion down.

Rocks fell and killed the hunters.

The End


	8. Alice The not so Great

**A/N So, don't own Twilight or any of the characters. I do, however, own Bella's wardrobe.. except the top. **

**For Alice3748, the rocks are back. : )**

**Sorry, this chapter kinda stinks, it was written in about 10 minutes.. I was bored, had nothing better to do with my life.**

**Enjoy! **

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On morning Bella woke up from sleeping to find that she was no longer in her own bed, at her house. She sat bolt upright in bed and gasped.

"Where am I?" She yelled.

Alice bounced into the room, "You, my sister, are at my house. You're coming shopping with me."

"Alice.." Bella shook her head, she couldn't deal with this, not today.

"Bella, I saw that you would let me take you shopping" Alice said this with such certainty that Bella laughed.

Tapping her head, Bella shook with laughter; "I am all mighty and powerful Alice The Great, I see that you will come shopping with me, therefore, you shall bend to my will and do as I say."

Alice glared at Bella, threw a pile of clothes at her said "Get dressed" and left the room, slamming the door behind her.

Bella sighed and got dressed. She couldn't believe what Alice had put her in, a mini skirt so short that it barely covered her butt, a tube-top that was a deep lilac purple. She sighed again and started towards the door. She stopped. There were the HIGHEST heeled boots Bella had ever seen. She said in a quiet voice, "No, no boots", knowing that Alice could hear. Skipping the boots and putting on her own running shoes; then she walked down the stairs.

"No running shoes, put these on instead" Alice shoved a pair of black heeled sandals towards Bella.

Bella took them, "Kill me now."

Rocks fell, she died.

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**A/N Review! **


	9. The Mystery Thought

**A/N Sorry that I haven't updated in a while, I've been really busy with work and haven't had any time to write. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I only own Mr. Jacob's lack of clothing. And the "mystery thought".  
Enjoy!  
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Bella brushed her teeth and got into bed. She looked at the clock 12:34am. She had been up trying to finish a science lab for school that was due the next day. She had given up and was just going to tell Edvard to do it for her tomorrow morning before school. We all know that he will, he's whipped.

Bella fell asleep with thoughts of whipped, sparkly Edvard. Just as she was falling asleep a thought tugged at the edge of her mind. Instead of pursuing this thought she let it slip from her mind as she, herself, slipped into unconsciousness.

The next day she pulled up to the school parking lot and parked beside the silver Volvo that was Edvard's. She jumped out of her truck, slipping falling before Edvard could grab her and help her. Speaking of which, where was Edvard? Usually he was there, opening the truck door for her as she got out, and he never let her fall. She was mad. Where. Was her. Whipped. Vampire. Boyfriend?

She walked to science, peeved that she didn't have a completed science lab to hand in, she would yell at Edvard later, if she ever found him.

At lunch she stalked into the cafeteria, Edvard hadn't been in English either. Where. Was. He? She looked over to their table, was he there? NO! So she sat with the school mortals, she was _way_ to good for these people. Honestly, now that she had a vampire boyfriend, a werewolf who was madly in love with her and a family full of other vampires all under her command, she really didn't see the point in these.. _Humans_. Plus, she was to become a vampire herself. Someday.

By the end of the day she had stopped looking for Edvard. When she walked out to her truck she noticed that Edvard's Volvo was gone. _GONE_! And he hadn't even come to see her. What is up with him?

When she got home she called the Cullen's home. Nothing. So, she jumped in her truck and drove over to her house. Now panicking that Edvard and his Family had left, again. If that was the case she would just have to go and use Jacob again until Edvard came back, again. Wow, that was a lot of 'again's' ... _I really do lead a repetitive, boring life_ Bella thought to herself as she opened the truck door and hopped out, running - and tripping - across the Cullen's field.

When she got to the door she opened it, not surprised to find it unlocked. She barged in to see the house was empty. On a second sweep of the house she noticed that the couch was knocked over. And was the house.. SHAKING?

She knew, just _knew_ that it Edvard and Mr. Jacob. _Oh god, oh god, oh god!_ Bella thought as she ran up the stairs, flinging open Edvard's door when she got there. She gasped at what she saw.. They were, they were... _Hoola-hooping_.Hoola-hooping?

"I forgot!" Bella screamed as she ran into the room.

"I know, We were just coming to get you in about five minutes." Edvard said laughing.

"That's what the thought was tugging at my mind last night, I was supposed to skip school to hoola-hoop with your guys." Bella was sad that she had wasted her day in school when she could have been hoola-hooping, the one game that she _was_ good at.

"Awe, don't be sad, Bella." Said shirtless Mr. Jacob sympathetically.

"Oh, I'm not. Because I will beat you both." Bella picked up an extra hoola-hoop off the floor and began hoola-hooping.

They all started laughing as they began the game.

After hours of this hoola-hooping they got tired and had to stop.

The Rocks were sad that they had not been invited to hoola-hoop with the three miscreants so, they did what they are best at. The fell, killing Bella, Edvard and even Mr. Jacob. The rocks then took the hoola-hoops and began their own rock game of hoola-hooping.


	10. AN Read before reading next chapter!

**A/N: The next chapter is my top 11 likes and dislikes of **_**Eclipse**_** the movie. If you have not yet watched said movie be warned, major spoilers. If you have not yet seen the movie you can skip right onto the next chapter when it is posted.**

**I warned you, proceed with caution.**


	11. My Thoughts on Eclipse the movie

**A/N: I warned you, if you are planing on reading this that is your choice. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, or Eclipse. But I do own every one of these thoughts.**

**So I saw _Eclipse_ last night and these are somethings that I liked and disliked:**

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Top Eleven Things That I Hated About _Eclipse_ the movie:

1) Edward. He's ugly and hairy like a Gorilla.

2) All the "love scenes" between Edward and Bella, cheesy.

3) Jacob wore a shirt for most of the time.

4) There was not enough Alice.

5) There was not enough Mike Newton.

6) No rocks fell to kill Edward.

7) Kirsten Stewart. She can not act.

8) The fact that even though we ALL know that Jacob is the better choice for Bella, she STILL chose Edward. I know that I would choose Jacob.

9) The screaming old ladies. "Oh Jacob is so hot!". Can you say COUGAR?

10) The sparkling.

11) The fact that there is no Jace Lightwood in any _Twilight_ movie.

Top Eleven Things That I Liked About _Eclipse_ the movie:

1) The new Victoria

2) Jacob. Shirtless.

3) The "tent" scene with Jacob and Edward.

4) Seth.

5) Leah.

6) The "mountain Jake/Bella" scene. Take that Edward!

7) The fight in the clearing.

8) Alice.

9) Anything with Jacob/Bella. They belong together.

10) The fact that the CGI was amazing.

11) There is no Justin Bieber in any _Twilight_ movie.

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**A/N: I have decided to add an apology here because I feel that I may have upset some people with my opinions.**

**I am truly sorry if I have upset anyone, that was not my intention. I simply wanted to express my feelings with the other people of Fanfiction. So if I have upset anyone, please feel free to message me and I will try to do something about it.  
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